To start off I would like to thank the supportive words that all of you have said, it means a lot to know that I'm not alone. Because a lot of the time that is how I feel along with the fact that nobody in my life understands how I'm feeling, both mentally and physically. I'm not the same person that I was before my surgery. Even though my heart doctor adamantly says that I'm as good as new, even better than I was. I try and explain as best I can but it often feels like I can't find the right words to explain it properly.
As far as the physical side of things, if I even attempt to put in a half decent amount of work such as cut the grass or clean up around the house, I am in pain for the next two days like as if I ran a marathon or something. It doesn't matter how hard I try its always the same result. It's also a constant fight to keep my blood pressure at a somewhat normal level. My last reading was 143/100 and my heart rate is usually between 93-100 bpm. I'm on 100 mg of atenolol and a water pill and one other pill I can't remember the name of. Also like I mentioned before 6.5 mg of warfarin and baby aspirin. As a result of my abnormal blood pressure I even gave up coffee and anything else that might contain any kind of stimulant. But nothing seems to work. I'm also tired most of the time, which I'm sure is because of the atenolol.
Now on the mental side of things, it's a constant battle in my head. It's extremely difficult to maintain a positive attitude, since my surgery. I just feel out of place, all I want is to be able to be a productive member of society. The job that I used to do before my operation was in construction. But after my surgery when I got the go ahead to return back to work I tried and tried but ultimately failed because of the 12-14 hours a day and the physical demand while I was at work was far and beyond what I am capable of doing now. It's been about a 8 months to a year since I've had a job. I think about what kind of work I can do instead of what I used to do but I keep on drawing a blank. So if anybody has any ideas on what type of job would be suitable for me, I'm open to suggestions. The only qualification I have are in the construction field, as far as that goes I have been trying to think outside of the box.
Anyways thanks for reading. Unfortunately I only have about a week left because I can't afford to pay for a year membership. But, so far I truly do like this web site.