Aortic dissection, aortic aneurysm - The aorta - Life after an aortic dissection
I'm on the uphill of my rollercoaster ride -- like I said I feel like I'm bipolar at times though I don't think I'd be diagnosed with it -- but today is one of the high days - the I can conquer the world days.
I knew as soon as I woke up today - and I've managed to clean my house and stay in a good mood which is so opposite of my angry day yesterday --- where everything I tried to do - my physical/health issues got in the way.
So now I have the sad/depressed day, the angry day and the extremely high energy/happy day. The hardest part for me is I know that on the other end of this type of day is the crash and be sad day - I know it is a cycle now - but of course it isn't science where I can predict when and how long --- I just have to go along for the ride and enjoy it while it lasts.
I took out all my CD's and have been playing a song, maybe two - from each one as usually that is all I like on a CD - and I got all mine before the invention of the MP3 player and such - so I have to manually put one cd in at a time ---- my son told me to make up a play list and then down load it to an MP3 --- I kinda laughed - since really I'm not very tech savvy - and kind of end up playing the songs as they draw me in - in a sense.
It's sunny here today which is always uplifting - but it's a fooler since the temp outside is probably in the low 30's - definitely not cabin weather.
I would love to dance but hmmmm my incision is kind of letting me know "no" -- as are my children who walk by and shake there head or roll their eyes --- guess I'm not a candidate for "so you think you can dance!" but that's okay - cuz in my head and heart I'm dancing up a storm!
I just need to hold onto this feeling for as long as I can --- and try to harness it for those nasty depressing I can't stand myself days!
Kind of reminds me back when when I could have a good ol Margaritta, an Amaretto Sour, a Colorado Bulldog, or a Long Island Tea ---- back when I could have a drink and enjoy the light "headed" care free feeling I'd get from just one drink (yes I'm a light weight!!!) - granted I'm sure the social atmosphere contributed to that happy feeling - with friends, listening to some phenomenal music, in wonderful room full of pleasant ambiance and the drink allowed my inhibitions to lighten a tad and I could just relax and enjoy and not feel my "surgeries" or the heart flipping I get now :(
I'm not a big drinker and never was - so I don't know why I would miss that - maybe just how life has changed so much - maybe because I'm in my 40's now - who knows?
But this energy I have today almost brings me there to that feeling - that maybe, just maybe in a year I will have some of "me" back.
It has been so freeing to not feel the aneurysm in my abdomen anymore - though it's been replaced with plenty of scars and scar tissue and my body looks like a S as the muscle below my left rib cage sticks out like a soar thumb --- not like I'm gonna walk around in a bikini in my 40's but the option would have been nice ---- if only in my mind right?
So, you'd swear I had drank a pot of caffeinated coffee - the way my mind is cruising - but I think it's just a natural high on life - this very moment in time --- and it's nice for a change - instead of the reality of healing.
So, again - I thank you all for being out there --- and just wanted you to know that I'm not always doom gloomy and down --- This is the real me - not the aneurysm me! I'm hoping for more of this type of "me" days to come!!!
Love ya all though we've never formally physically met!!!
i keep looking for the like button... ;)
Glad to hear your having some good days, its the way to go.
Ahhh drinking the one thing I miss, I know how you feel - my body or meds don’t tolerate it so much & I feel the worst the next day.
You should also check Alison’s post about being Bipolar or "just ask my wife"! Maybe it’s an AD survivor’s trait!
***HUGS*** Yippie for good days....here's to having more and more and more! Also your body is the body of a survivor and I know it is beautiful...it tells an amazing story of a woman who is strong and can take anything the world may throw at her!
I feel like that having one surgery. I cannot imagine what it is to go through what you have. You are amazing. Your desire to live is inspiring. Sometimes I feel like giving up...
Don't ever give up - Maria. You are here and that is what matters ---- we got to show our ADs who is boss :)
Now I just have to listen to my own words next time I'm on the down slide!!!!!